Defining Sexual Sobriety
Universal Definition:
Sex addicts Anonymous does not have a universal definition of abstinence.
How do we define our own sexual sobriety?
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This is a critical task to complete very early in recovery. Sexual addiction is considered a behavioral addiction so early in recovery we define those behaviors we consider to be addictive and destructive.
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This task should not be done in isolation and should be performed in consultation with other experienced members of SAA and one’s own therapist.
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It is often suggested that in the beginning we refrain from all sexual behaviors for a period of time to gain clarity and to build a recovery plan. This may seem daunting or overwhelming, but this is where the support of the fellowship and the tools of recovery can come in to assist you on your recovery journey.
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Each person’s life circumstance must be considered and advice from one’s therapist and consultation with other members of SAA is highly recommended. Creating a sobriety definition is a process and it takes time, participation in meetings, and consultation with others to create
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One of the helpful tools in in Sex Addicts Anonymous® is three circles approach for defining sexual sobriety. See below.
The Three Circles Approach to defining sexual sobriety
To help us define our sexual sobriety, many of us use a tool developed within SAA called The Three Circles. This is only a tool and not a requirement. Not every recovering sex addict uses this method. But many members have found that this tool helps establish a foundation for recovery.
We draw three concentric circles, consisting of an inner, middle, and outer circle. With the help of our sponsor or others in recovery, we write down various behaviors in each of the three circles. The SAA pamphlet called "Three Circles: Defining Sexual Sobriety in SAA" can be found here.
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Inner Circle
In the inner circle we put the sexual behaviors we want to abstain from, the ones we consider “acting out”. These are the behaviors that we identify, with our sponsor’s guidance, as addictive, harmful, or unacceptable for us.
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Middle Circle
In the middle circle we put behaviors that may lead to acting out, or that we are not sure about.
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Outer Circle
In the outer circle we put healthy behaviors that enhance our life and our recovery.