Am I addicted to Sex?
“Before coming to Sex Addicts Anonymous, many of us never knew that our problem had a name. All we knew was that we couldn’t control our sexual behavior. For us, sex was a consuming way of life. Although the details of our stories were different, our problem was the same. We were addicted to sexual behaviors that we returned to over and over, despite the consequences.”
— Sex Addicts Anonymous, p. 3 SAA Basic Text
If you think you might have an addiction to sex or pornography you can simply come to one of our in-person meetings.
We practice strict anonymity and confidentiality, so that our meetings are a safe place for all of us. Whom we meet or what is said in a meeting is considered as confidential.
Our fellowship is open to women and men, regardless of age, race, religion, ethnic background, marital status, or occupation. We welcome members of any sexual identity or orientation, whether they are gay, lesbian, straight, bisexual, or transgender.
The SAA® international website has a self assessment that can be found here
How do I know if I am addicted to sex or pornography?
“Sex addiction can involve a wide variety of practices. Sometimes an addict has trouble with one unwanted behavior, sometimes with many. Most sex addicts say their unhealthy use of sex has been a progressive process. It may have started with an addiction to masturbation, pornography, or a relationship, but over the years progressed to increasingly dangerous behaviors."
—Getting Started In Sex Addicts Anonymous – A beginner’s packet for recovering sex addicts, p. 2
The SAA® international website has a self assessment that can be found here
How do I know if I am addicted to pornography?
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Does your preoccupation and use of pornography consume large amounts of time and or jeopardize your significant relationships or employment?
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Does it interfere with your ability to perform your job or meet your personal obligations?
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Has your viewing of pornography harmed your relationship with romantic partners
or your spouse?
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Do you find yourself viewing pornography for hours on end to the point of losing evenings, or entire weekends?
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Do you view pornography in places or situations where you are expected to be doing something else such as at work, or while driving your car?
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Has your viewing of pornography kept you isolated, depressed, or made you feel ashamed?
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Do you lose sleep due to the time spent viewing pornography?
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Has your viewing of pornography changed over time to viewing more extreme images or videos that violate your personal values?
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Has your viewing of pornography progressed to other behaviors such as video chats, hookup apps, or prostitution?
Many of us started with pornography and then felt compelled to pursue other more extreme sexual behaviors and experiences that jeopardized our mental, emotional, financial, and even physical wellbeing. Sexually compulsive behaviors can vary from person to person but there are common elements described below.
Common Elements That Characterize Addiction
Powerlessness over addictive sexual behaviors.
The inability not to engage in the behavior or to stop the behavior in the face of negative consequences:
- Interfering or threatening relationships with ones spouse, family, or friends
- Jeopardizing one’s job
- Legal jeopardy
- Physical or mental health, or sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)
- Financial hardship
- Spending excessively large amounts of time that could have been used in healthy or social activities
The list goes on.
Resulting in the unmanageability of his or her life.
Example questions to ask yourself are:
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Does your use of pornography occupy large amounts of time and or jeopardize your significant relationships or employment?
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Have your desires driven you to have sex in places or situations or with people you would not normally choose?
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Has your preoccupation with sex or engaging in certain sexual behaviors threatened your significant relationships or employment?
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Do you keep secrets about your sexual behavior from those important to you?
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Have your sexual behaviors caused you legal or financial problems? Or could they?
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Do you need greater variety, increased frequency, or more extreme sexual behaviors to achieve the same level of excitement or relief?
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Do you lead a double life?
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Have you suffered physical or mental health consequences?
Feelings of shame, pain, and self-loathing
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Do you frequently feel ashamed after the excitement wears off from viewing pornography?
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Do you lie about your sexual behavior to your partner or spouse?
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Do you feel remorse, shame, or guilt after a sexual encounter or experience?
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Do you frequently want to get away from a partner after having sex?
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Do you feel like you are leading a double life?
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Does your pursuit of sex or sexual fantasy conflict with your moral standards and values?
Failed promises and attempts to stop
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Have you tried repeatedly to stop the behaviors only to find yourself returning to them in a matter of hours or days or weeks?
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Have you promised yourself or your partner or your spouse that you would stop only to return to the behaviors repeatedly?
Preoccupation with sex
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Have you spent enormous amounts of time preoccupied with sexual experiences or pornography?
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Have you spent hours and hours conducting research [e.g. websites or apps] for the purpose of fulfilling your sexual desires?
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Have you spent hours looking for the perfect picture or video?
Progressive worsening negative consequences
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Have the consequences worsened over time as your behavior increased in frequency or duration?
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Have your mental, physical, or emotional consequences worsened over time as a result of your sexual behaviors?
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Has your sexual behaviors threatened your primary relationship or marriage?
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Has your sexual behaviors threatened your job or financial wellbeing?
Is there a solution?
Yes there is a solution. Sex Addicts Anonymous® offers a program of recovery, recovery tools, and a fellowship to provide guidance and support. Our program of recovery consists of some combination of meetings, reading the literature, working the twelve steps of SAA®, interactions between members, and spiritual practices such as prayer and meditation. Participation in any recovery activities is optional.
We practice strict anonymity and confidentiality, so that our meetings are a safe place for all of us. Whom we meet or what is said in a meeting is considered as confidential.
Our fellowship is open to women and men, regardless of age, race, religion, ethnic background, marital status, or occupation. We welcome members of any sexual identity or orientation, whether they are gay, lesbian, straight, bisexual, or transgender.